Always been curious about the lifestyle? Finally decided to stop being curious and dip your toes in? That curiosity usually stems from stories you have heard or people you know that may be in the lifestyle or know others who are, but when it comes time to feed that curiosity and see for yourself, where do you start?

In today’s world that is driven by social media and online dating, it is not surprising that a vast majority of lifestyle newcomers, or “newbies” as we call them start online, but even then it can be a scary and complicated world to navigate. We have been members on several sites ourselves for many years and over time have learned some practical do’s and don’ts that can help you navigate the lifestyle’s digital world.

And for clarification, we will use the term “you” alot in this. “You” means both of you couples.

Choose the Right Service

First and foremost, choose a lifestyle oriented site. Many do use existing sites like facebook, but in the end that isn’t what those sites were designed for. The biggest issue being content, and what is and isn’t allowed to be posted based on community standards. You would be surprised how even the tiniest piece of suggestive content can land you into trouble, and standards are getting more strict. Also remember if you are concerned with privacy, you may find your family, friends or coworkers accidentally stumbling upon things you don’t want them to see since you are sharing that world with non-lifestyle people..or what we call “vanilla”.

Second make sure you choose the lifestyle dating site that is most popular in your area. Some sites might be more popular in Dallas, but another is more popular in New York. If you have no one to ask, it might be trial and error. Fortunately most offer some sort of free trial so you can see for yourself. Look and see how many people are signed up in your area, what kind of events are happening and how many people attend them. Our website has links to some popular ones. Full disclaimer, we are affiliated with them in some manner and are compensated for new members. That being said we use them personally extensively and would not recommend them otherwise.

Choose The Right Username

Chances are once you choose it, you cannot change it so keep that in mind. This should not be something you just throw together in a few minutes watching Bravo. Take time to think about what you want your username to say about you. After all for all intents and purposes, that is going to be your name. Here are some common pitfalls to avoid:

Avoid using words that identify your experience level or that you are new, such as “New2this345” or “Newbies789”. You would be surprised how many of these there are, but remember that is you now. You don’t want to be fully invested and experienced in a few years but still be branded new or inexperienced.
Choose a name that represents you. Don’t choose a name that might suggest you are into things you are not comfortable with, or that you are freaky when you are more reserved. We also suggest not using something too risque or vulgar. It might sound sexy at first, but can be a turn off to some.
Be careful when combining letters or words together, they are more difficult for someone to remember, and can also come out spelling or “reading” like something unintended. Remember someone may not read your name the way you meant them too. For example, (fictional people here) Dave Partypooper and Terry Partypooper might decide to use their initials somehow..so they go with “DPandTP”. We think we made our point here, if not it will come to you.

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Don’t advertise goods in your profile you don’t actually have in stock if you get our meaning.. Be specific in what you are looking for, but don’t post a dissertation of rules and boundaries.. Your profile is your personal advertisement, make people curious but be truthful. Be concise and not too wordy as people will stop reading. Save the extended details and boundaries discussions for later, you do want to have something to talk about after all.

Don’t lie about your age. Don’t lie about your weight or physical characteristics. This is so common and so baffling. The goal is to actually meet people, so at some point the truth is coming out. Lifestyle relationships are complicated when things are going good, starting them out with dishonesty will not end well. Be proud and confident in who you are. If you don’t want to be lied to, don’t lie to others.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Likes

Pictures sell a profile. There is no better way to describe yourself. But they can also mean disaster. Use recent photos and photos that accurately represent you, and update them(no, not add to them, update them). Stay away from photoshop and filters. That boudoir shoot is a nice touch to spice things up, but have an equal representation of real life. Again, you want to meet people, so at some point what you look like is going to become obvious. Unless masks are your thing, we don’t judge.

If you are a couple, have a relatively equal balance of both of you in your pictures. Too many of one member sends the message that lifestyle involvement is unbalanced. It can also allude that you are hiding something. Again, honesty.

A word about covering your faces. It’s a controversial subject in regards to privacy. You will do better with face pictures period, but we understand why you choose discretion. Remember though, if someone found you on that site, they were there too. A sort of mutually assured destruction. This is just food for thought, take as you will.

Make an Effort

Don’t just browse. Don’t just like people. Reach out. Don’t expect to get contacted if you aren’t willing to contact others yourself. Yes, you will send messages that will go unanswered. Sometimes, you will get a not interested reply of some sort. Don’t take it personally because it isn’t personal. And for goodness sakes, be polite and respectful until you get to know someone.

For you couples, we are talking to you now. It is common that one member generally manages the profile and spends more time there than the other. Be honest about that and about whom is speaking when communicating. One way we do that is if it's just one of us, we sign our first name only. If it's both of us, we sign both our first names, but the name that comes first is the person who typed.

We hope you found this helpful and a good starting point. If you have any other questions or a topic you want to see, let us know!